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September 2009

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admnaismith in fitzilla

Doing the Flail-and-Curse

I managed to get out of work early enough to hit Y fitness twice this workweek. They brought back the hulking Carson prototype, and he'd apparently consulted with the female instructors because he'd brought out the medicine balls, rubberbands, Congressional subpoenas, leather whips and other implements of destruction to shape my body into 180 lbs of You Know Your Girlfriend Want Me.

I knew to steel myself for the worst as he started a workout tape that sounded like hypertempo Don Martin sound effects: FWUMPadada-dupppada, FWUMPadada-dupppada, FWUMPadada-dupppada, FWUMPadada-duppada... and yes, he DID sing "YMCA" with a great exuberance while leaping and lunging on the floor. He is SOOOOOO Carson!

An important discovery: Apparently I have "obliques of steel". I found this out when we were asked to lie on our sides, arms straight overhead, and do side crunches, lifting our torsos and legs at the same time into a v-shape. Not only did I not have much trouble with this move, but the only other person who could do them right was the instructor. The women in lycra, who have eight inch waists and shame me at everything that doesn't emphasize upper body strength, couldn't do it. And to think, this time a month ago, I thought obliques meant the look you gave people who still publicly admire George Bush.

Fortunately, I am humble about my newfound superpower, because when we lie on our backs and try to do the same v-crunches, my motions resemble those of a just-tasered banana slug.

Hope you're all the same.

Current Music The cramps with a difference, never mind the weather! When you work with Carson, a Charley Horse forever!